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  • Writer's pictureSarah Egan

Making Friends with Fear

(get a pen and paper or open your phone’s notes to take down some notes as you read through this)


From giving presentations, public speaking or applying for jobs, to setting boundaries and saying no to our boss, family or friends, whatever the challenging situation might be, that little, scary, FEAR face troll can pop its head in at any stage.


Let’s personify fear, sit it down in front of us and look it straight in the eye as if we’re having a full on grueling interview.

Pause for a moment and observe its appearance, what does it look like?

My fear face has a head of curly hair, with wonky eyes and a quivering lip 🫣


How does it’s presence make us feel right here, right now as we breathe in power deeply while facing it?

What does the part of it that frightens us look like?

And how does that part of it that keeps us safe appear?


Why do you trap us but sometimes free us? We ask it.

How come you sometimes help us take action but other times keep us stuck?

What do you corner us for?


We might begin to get the impression that this fear face we’re looking at isn’t being truthful to us deep down.


What’s hiding behid that fear face, we ask it?


Is it really anger deep down?

Is it a past trauma?

Are there any unhealed wounds?

Would it’s inner child like to speak?

Have there been any past humiliations or rejections to have sparked it?

Has the idea of loneliness or public speaking been feeding it?

If it let’s down it’s guard what’s the worst that can happen?


Let’s ask fear what it wants to tell us?

What's behind it all?

Where and when was it born?

How does it feel?

Does it have an friends like an avoidance face or a control face?


As we move through these questions we can begin to notice the fear face starting to open up a bit more, we’re glad that we’re starting to soften it down, see more clearly through it and for it to start showing it’s true colours.


We empathise with it and give it a hug since it has helped us stay safe and protect us from different scenarios.

We start to accept that our little fear face is a part of us and we appreciate it.


We’ve come to a decision that this fear face has some qualities and characteristics that don’t really serve us any longer so we kindly ask those parts to step down from the leading role for now.


We call out our brave face who seems a bit unsure and might even need some encouragement, but there's no rush.

It's their turn to stand up and take the leading role.

Our brave face now stands strong.

We thank both our fear face and brave face for helping us become more aware of what we want and don’t want, what we need and don’t need anymore.


Thoughts are like objects that we can choose to pick up or let go of.

We can consciously select the thoughts that serve us better by being the outside observer of our minds and detaching ourselves from those thoughts that bring out our fear face.

We can even give our inner child a chance to play while at it.


The principle of polarity and dualism says that opposites can coexist harmoniously within us, like yin & yang, the feminine and the masculine, happiness and sadness, therefore fear and bravery too.

We can turn up the intensity of these opposite ends of our emotional scales depending on what scale we want to power up.


If you didn’t take out your pen and paper before now and you’re battling with fear, I highly recommend you try my inner-child, making friends with fear face exercise above.

I even suggest you do it every day until you’ve turned the intensity of your fear face right down to allow your brave face take to the stage.


Good luck 😊

Here's a managing fear guided mindfulness audio to help you accelerate the process.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? …And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

— Marianne Williamson

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